I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
