we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
