he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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