tell your sister to shave her snatch
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
