I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
