let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
