also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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