I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Mom said you looked used
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
