Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
