guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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