She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
