Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
