We're facebook friends in real life
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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