your parents love me but you hate me
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
