i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you will always have a special place in my vag
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
