Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
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Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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