you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
