They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
