I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
