Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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