I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
