We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
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