I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
