She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
