another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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