his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
