I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
