He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
