I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
