i always forget guys have bellybuttons
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
