I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
