is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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