I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
