did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
