Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
