I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
