Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
