She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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