her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I looked at my own cervix.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
