It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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