honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
