wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
