glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i think im in europe. pls send help
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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