oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i now understand why vodka
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
