Your tits are I can't wait for
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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