I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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