how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How does it feel to date your dad?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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