dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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