eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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