More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
