Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
