Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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