so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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