You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
