i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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