Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
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The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
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and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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