The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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