So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
