Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
