the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
