i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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