the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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