ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
