I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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