The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
