You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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