I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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