Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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