If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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