So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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