I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize