yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
