So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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