So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize