I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
