My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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