Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize