When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
