the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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