Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
