So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
