I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
