it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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