Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
